Let me clear one thing up right now. No, I am not being beaten.

No, I am not in an abusive relationship.

No, I do not regularly involve myself in violent altercations.

The truth is I am just clumsy and, yes, even somewhat fragile.

This often results in brilliant blue bruises all over my body. Therefore, it is easy to see how some people would jump to the conclusion that I am being manhandled.

My latest mark of honor came last weekend when I drove to Mississippi and all the way to my house only to realize all the doors were locked. The simple, easy solution would have been to use a key to unlock the door. However, I have never had a key to the house.

I did consider that maybe my daddy was trying to send me a message when he had the locks changed as my car started down the driveway after my senior year of high school.

Hey, no big deal, I thought, I will just break in my window. My 5'2" frame is ideal for some things like ducking behind taller people or climbing in tight places. However, jumping through windows requires just a tad more height. So, I was forced to improvise. I did this by standing on a concrete stump, pushing my foot back against a tree and attempting to launch myself through the window.

All I did was bang my forearm on the wall -- repeatedly. Finally, I got smart and removed my fashionable flip-flops, which allowed me to wrap my foot around the slippery branches and propel my body into the house.

Standing in my room, I felt sweet success and ... pulsing pain?

Sure enough, there were two nice-sized red marks on my arm that were painful to the touch. The next day, there was a perfect imprint of two finger-shaped brilliant blue bruises.

It is just my luck that random injuries always display themselves in dark marks of abuse.

I usually laugh it off and tell the slightly unbelievable story behind it. But after a while, people start to wonder just how many doors one person can run into.

What is worse is the numerous bruises that I have no story for. I do not know what it is but I always seem to find bruises from unnoticed injuries.

One memorable occasion was this summer after the Tech/Miami game. I just happened to glace at the back of my thigh and found a huge bruise. It was big and purple, the kind of injury you know hurt like heck when it happened.

I had no idea whatsoever how I had maimed myself in such a manner. The best we could up with is that I banged my leg on the bleachers at the game while arguing with a belligerent Miami fan. During the heat of the moment, perhaps I was distracted by the steam coming out of my ears so the pain went unnoticed.

That seems like a plausible explanation, especially with my pain tolerance. I guess it is a good thing I can tolerate pain because, like many people in this area, I never go to the doctor. Never did, except for times of profuse bleeding or broken bones.

Compared to that, a few bruises are not much. So, really, I'm fine.

But, hey, thanks for asking.

Cassandra Brown is a senior journalism major from Woodville, Miss., and serves as managing editor for The Tech Talk.